My 2017 Recap

This year for me has been marked by painful yet beautiful growth, self knowledge and so much alone time.

 When the year began I was in the midst of the most heartbreaking and traumatic experience of my life, my first major breakup of an over 10 year relationship. My high school sweetheart whom I thought I’d marry did the unthinkable and our relationship was irreparable. I was also ending a 1 year lease from my first apartment which I struggled to pay the rent and lived paycheck to paycheck.

 I descended into a deep depression which caused me to lose my work from home job. I felt punished, very victimized and helpless. I isolated myself and because some of my friends didn’t understand what I was going through were not able to support me. One of my close friends even cut me off because I was distant. At this point I was numb to being hurt so it didn’t bother me as much as the pain from my breakup did.

 So, in the beginning of the year I decided to move back in with my mom and back into my old room. I felt like my life would never be the same, and I was right. As of today I am just beginning to feel normal again. I am just connecting again with people and trusting people enough to open up. I’m socializing again and it feels better.

 In 2017 dated for the first time in my life and I didn’t like it. Every date felt forced and felt the pressure to like and to be liked. I couldn’t really focus on the person as I was too focused on the fact that I was 30 and I was afraid it was too late for me to have the chance to be married or to have a baby which I always wanted to do.

 2017 was a year of me being in my feelings, I purposely made no new year’s resolutions because I felt I was too depressed to be productive. Although I didn’t reach my goals of weight loss, meeting the love of my life, I did do the following:

•  Started a job with a prestigious new organization with growth opportunity 
• Healed a bit 
• Was able to end all communications with anyone who isn’t in line with what I want in my life
•  Reconnected with friends who I previously shut out and was able to support them 
•  Decided that I do not want to date romantically until further notice and instead want to focus on loving and accepting myself 100% 
• Set up all of my goals for 2018… That will be in my next blog post ;)